I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize