Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize