I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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