I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
