I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
