Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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