you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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