she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
