I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
