I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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