After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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