I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize