I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
