I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
