You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
