no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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