3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
