He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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