I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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