My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
