The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
