The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
how can u be prego again
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
