She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
