In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I didn't shave. On purpose
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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