but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize