Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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