Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
