I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
