dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
