i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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