Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
