Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
