Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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