Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
