did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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