he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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