you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
