How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
