I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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