Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
