I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
