He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
