She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
