Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
