that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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