Whod you bang
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
