I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
