he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just had sex on a roof
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
