You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
