Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
