weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my being single is dangerous.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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