We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
