South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
