If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
