I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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