Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
