You just made me feel so damn special
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
