Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Found the puke drawer
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
