She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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