I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
