Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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