first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
