just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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