Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
