There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
