Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
