Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
