apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
