I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
